Houston, we have problem. Today, five jackasses with absolutely no plan to resolve any of the problems confronting America will take the stage in my hometown, at my alma mater. Five insufferable pieces of shit who sully humanity with their very presence will descend upon the H to spout nonsense and bullshit. If only that corrupt, corporate hack Hillary was with them, then I could hate all of ‘em at once. Damnit if I ain’t that lucky.
What a place for these false idols to debate. Houston, Texas, with suburbs chalked full of hateful, white Christians, a litany of criminal oil and gas companies like BP, and more than its share of oligarchs whose shit needs to be expropriated. It is an impeccable host for the clown car bringing the most fucked up show on Earth. What better place than this nightmarish ode to capitalist development with an almost completely absent public transit system. This explains the monstrous 16-lane superhighway. Hell isn’t other people, it is spending hours on end in your car, alone, breathing in benzene.
The stage they will degrade is off I-45 South at the University of Houston, which used to be the city’s affordable university. Under Renu Khator’s leadership it is slowly becoming a gentrifying, monstrous profit machine marching lockstep with the corporate agenda for higher education. Guess that makes it as good a venue as any for these psychopaths who would have us all worshipping the rich. Well, the rich plus a vengeful, genocidal god, who they claim gives a whole lot of shit about sodomy. And seriously, what an infamous cast of degenerate slime that will debate.
The Republican front-runner is an Oompa Loompa lookin’ racist prick who plans on surfing the tidal waves of hatred boiling below the surface of this empire right into the bastion of reaction, the White House. Another of these assholes is the wannabe native of my state who has all the characteristics of someone you want to kick the shit out of, and probably deserves the ass whoopin’. The fact that the folks back home elected him is a good enough reason for their eternal damnation. This is, of course, the opposite of their expectations when they meet St. Peter. Rounding out these idiots with a high probability of indiscriminately killing people around the world is a highly-trained puppet who hasn’t had an original thought during the entirety of his existence. The other two are there as stage props; one for gimmicky, father-like quips, and the other because he is apparently lost and refuses to admit it like most males.
If these faux-Hitlers and quasi-Pol Pots aren’t busy pushing to deport a population the size of Denmark and Sweden combined, they are calling to commit an exorbitant number of war crimes and breaking every international law imaginable. What, spending some 600+ billion dollars per year on the military isn’t enough? And if you don’t want people jumpin’ the border, then stop fuckin’ up their country. Same goes for the countless number of terrorists these morons created and will continue to create as they continue to sack the Middle East. Our only hope is they are interrupted by people no platforming them while “Mo’ City Don Freestyle” by Z-Ro plays on the loudspeakers.
That’s the only welcome to Houston these degenerates deserve.
Andrew Smolski is a writer and sociologist.